Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Column - DraconisTheory's Best Column Ever : McDonalds

I fucking hate McDonalds. Not like "oh man I hate it when I stub my toe in the doorway" but like "I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF AND SHOVE MY COCK IN YOUR EYE SOCKET UNTIL YOU DIE" kind of hate McDonalds. What sparked such a fury that I had to post about this, you ask? I got a double quarter pounder meal today. On the soda it said: "refresh with JOY let the little bubbles tickle as they quench your thirst." On the bag the "food" came in it said this cheeky little phrase: "celebrate the JOY with a little crinkled crunch on your Angus Third Pounder." I know what you assholes are thinking, "what's so wrong about that?" Well I'm glad you fucking asked!

McDonald's head is far up their golden arches they don't even realise how much people hate their god damn food! To say that eating at McDonald's provides some sort of "joy" is to say that the Holocaust was kind of fun. I haven't been happy to eat at that hell hole since I was young enough to enjoy the cheap ass plastic shit toy thing they passed off as their latest marketing attempt to get people to buy their shit by getting their kids to say "I WANT THAT NEW GAY ASS SHIT TOY AT MCDONALDS 'CAUSE THERE IS A MOVIE OUT RELATED TO IT!" I hate kids but that's a rant for another time. Sorry about the caps lock, really that shit is retarded but it's the only way to properly convey my proportional rage other than this: FUCK.

To tell the truth I absolutely hate myself every time I eat at McDonalds for forcing my body to digest whatever shit they pass off as food. Ask anyone you know what their favorite fast food joint is. If they say McDonald's they're fucking insane and are lieing to themselves and should be forced to give up their first born son to Ronald McfuckingDonald's zombie corpse. Might as well! There needs to be a damn Krystal's in Hawaii...

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